We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I AM VODKA MAN
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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