So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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