We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
time to smoke my breakfast
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
