Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Randomize
