he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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