the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
