hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
