I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
