funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
