That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
