Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
