3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
