I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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