When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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