if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
