I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
