just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
