Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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