Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
