Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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