Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
