Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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