The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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