My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
