sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
