I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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