my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As shirtless as possible
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
