im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
