I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I could make wine with my vomit
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
