Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize
