We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
