"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
