she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
