absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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