he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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