yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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