Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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