I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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