I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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