i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
