He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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