why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
