I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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