So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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