yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
