She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
