I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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