I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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