I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
