Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
