My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
