why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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