im about as happy as oj after his trial
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
