I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
