Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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