when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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