I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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