I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
