My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
