i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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