you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
