So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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