I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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