Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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