one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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