just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
