I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
