I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
