the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
