I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
