I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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