i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
