I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
