I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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