doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
the condom got lost in my hair
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
