I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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