i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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